The pain of rejection can be excruciating. That’s what happens when you take it personal. What if I told you that rejection in most cases isn’t personal, and what if I told you I can help you to actually welcome rejection so you can use it to your advantage?
I promise you by the end of this article you’ll see rejection in a different light and you will know how to deal with rejection in a relationship. You’ll also see rejection as a gift, and not as a disappointment.
How To Deal With Rejection in a Relationship?
Perception of Rejection
Everything is a perception of what we believe is true. If we change what we believe is true, our perception will change. That’s what we’re going to do here. Not only will you feel better about being rejected, you’ll be relieved and use rejection to your advantage in getting what you truly want.
Our perception of rejection in relationship is normally viewed as personal. We usually think there is something wrong with us when we get rejected. We may think we’re not good enough, or smart enough.
By the end of this article you’ll see how erroneous this perception really is. You’ll see that a simple change in your perception will make you see rejection differently.
Why we get Rejected?
Rejection usually means that someone refuses to accept you for various reasons. They may feel you’re not compatible with them, or they may feel a repulsion or aversion towards you.
But this feeling comes not from a conscious level. They are rejecting you because your inner self (unconscious self) knows you’re not a match. In certain situations the person doing the rejecting isn’t aware that they are doing you a favor.
For example, They may not be a good fit for you and their inner being knows it, while they may think on the outside you are not a good fit for them……how ironic.
Have you ever met someone and for some reason you felt uncomfortable? Conversely, have you ever met someone you felt very comfortable with? Of course you have, we’ve all had that experience. However, have you ever tried to explain the reason why this happens?
People are attracted to each other or repelled depending on who they are and who they have become. Sound confusing?
You are a combination of everything you have experienced, your belief system, your values, your morals, and your perception of how you view life. When you combine all those traits, experiences, and beliefs, that equals a specific electrical magnetic vibration, or signal.
You are sending out your own unique signals, or electrical vibrations that are magnetic. Just like a magnet you’ll attract or repel according to who or what is of equal signal.
Have you ever heard the saying, “I feel the Vibe?” That is to be taken literally. You can say we have our likes and dislikes according to how we feel, and how we feel is according to who we have become.
I’m not going to get into the quantum physics on this because it can become very confusing and off subject. I will explain it more as in examples.
For example, think about when buying clothes. You have your own style and you will purchase clothes according to your taste and preferences. You may be attracted to clothes with bright colors and are loosely fit.
You may dislike clothes that have stripes and patterns and are too tightly fit. The clothes you choose make you feel good, now think of those clothes as people.
Maybe you can’t explain why you like those clothes (or people), and why you feel good wearing them (you feel good meeting them), however, the fact is you do feel good. If you were to wear clothes (meet people) you dislike, how would you feel then?
Attraction or repulsion depends on not what you look like, or the personality. People are attracted or repelled to other people according to their “style” so to speak. Just like the example of the clothes, you have developed an inner style that will “like or dislike” someone that fits or doesn’t fit your style.
Your style or signature is unique. Some people may like your style while others may not. Your style or signature is not visible to the eye; it is only visible by a feeling. Hence the reason you see odd couples together.
When you get rejected, you’re rejected because you’re styles or signatures are not matching, and that could be a good thing. For example, if Ted gets rejected by Robin that could mean that Robin’s signature is too different than Teds.
So you may ask why Ted would ask Robin out if his signature or vibration is different too. Good question, why would we attempt to do something when our inner being knows it isn’t a match? That answer delves into the subject of not feeling deserving, or because of our fears and insecurities.
When feeling unworthy for example, we attract people into our lives that will make us feel more unworthy. Unworthy has its own vibration or signature.
You feeling unworthy and the person making you feel unworthy are the same vibrations. They are complimentary in a negative sense. Unworthiness begets unworthiness.
In this example of Robin rejecting Ted her inner being (which she was more in touch with) rejected ted because her inner feeling knew they were not a match.
Ted on the other hand was not in touch with his inner feeling and asked Robin out anyway. If Ted felt undeserving and Robin felt more confident than Ted for example, it wasn’t a match.
You can also see life as a big group of people. Within our grand group there are sub groups, and within those sub groups there are more sub groups. We all eventually migrate into these groups and become a part of that energy until we decide to move on into other groups.
Your friends are a group of people you belong to. Your family is another group, your coworkers and activities you may have with other people are yet another group.
These groups have a signature energy about them that you are attracted to for whatever reason-good or bad. If you leave one group to go to another you may be rejected. The other groups energy may be too different than your energy.
For example they may have a belief or philosophy that is way different than yours, hence the rejection. As in the case of individuals the same rules and system applies as in a group setting.
Sub categories of Rejection
While you may experience rejection in one area of your life, that doesn’t mean you’ll experience rejection in all areas of your life.
You can be rejected in your relationships, but accepted at your job. You can be rejected sexually, but be accepted as a friend. You may be rejected by your family, and accepted by your peers. I think you get the point.
As I wrote in My real life Experiences I was rejected in Salsa class. I was the initiator of the rejection. I created a scenario where people ignored me. Since I don’t really care for Salsa anyway everything that happened made sense to me.
Conversely, in my Westcoast swing class women are eager to dance with me. I created that experience because I enjoy WCS dance and I feel confident with that style of dance. See how powerful we are!
We can create any situation we want, or don’t want depending on what we focus our attention on.
This is very important, while it may seem you are being rejected by another person, you can be the arbitrator or initiator of the rejection.
That means subconsciously you knew it wasn’t right, or you had a sense or a feeling it wasn’t a fit. It is possible to create an experience of rejection based on you not wanting to do something, or be somewhere.
Just a side note, if you want to gain more confidence choose something that you can resonate with. This confidence will spill into other areas of your life.
Rejection can be an Advantage
Now that you understand what rejection is (hopefully?) we can move on to the advantages of being rejected.
Whenever you get rejected by someone, you can think to yourself, we are different in one way or another and the difference (rejection) could be to your benefit.
They may have rejected you because they may not be satisfactory in the area of your wants and needs. They may, should I say “not be good enough for you?” Remember, the rejection is done on an unconscious level.
For example, the consequences if you did form a relationship (if you were not rejected) could have been disastrous. Since a part of you knew that, and a part of them knew that they couldn’t keep up with you, subsequently there was rejection.
A person can be good looking, wealthy, and intelligent, and that doesn’t mean they are above you in anyway. All of that stuff is superficial; the attraction is from a deeper level as I explained above.
To reiterate, don’t take rejection in a relationship as personal. They may be doing you a favor by rejecting you. Or you can say, they/you are preventing you from making a huge mistake.
There’s a word of caution when reaching the level of understanding rejection and now feeling secure within yourself. First, I want to explain the three stages of rejection we go through when understanding what rejection is.
The first stage of rejection in relationships is the obvious stage where we feel disappointed, judged, and feeling the rejection was personal. The second stage (after knowing the truth) is where you understand what rejection is, and therefore you feel confident.
However, you may have a feeling of overconfidence and feeling smug, or superior. This stage can do you as much harm as the first stage. The third and last stage is where you’ll be able to utilize rejection to your advantage and feel confident in a purely natural way without thinking about it.
The word of caution is with the second stage where you’ll begin to feel confident and secure, and realize rejection is just a word, and not to be taken personal by you. This can sometimes cause you to become smug in your attitude.
You’ll begin to feel that the person that rejected you isn’t good enough for you. This may appear to be the opposite of stage one where you feel you’re not good enough for the other person.
However, the two stages can equally be a disability and hopefully you won’t be a resident of the second stage like you were in the first stage.
That’s why I wrote this word of caution, I’m fully aware of how this stage can be a trap. Although, most people need to go through it to get to the third stage. It is unavoidable (for most) and how long you stay in the second stage is your choice.
And now that I have enlightened you about the second stage, your choices are limited to how long you’re going to stay. As the saying goes “once you have opened the mind to new possibilities, the mind can never go back”
Now that I’ve made you aware of the problem of the second stage you haven’t a choice but to venture into the third stage quickly. Why?
Because you now know it’s not a welcoming place to be in. Your mind is inquisitive because it now knows the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. So your mind does not want to stay in a place that now
knows it can be painful.
What are the Exceptions
There are usually exceptions to the rules, or at least in this case there are. One exception could be timing. You may ask someone for a date too soon. Maybe they just broke it off with their former partner and they are still grieving over it.
Or maybe they are not ready or have some fear of having a relationship. In either case this has nothing to do with you and you may be rejected.
Another exception is when a person is too aggressive in wanting to be with you. They get pushy and controlling, clingy, and want ownership before they get a chance to know you. That attitude scares people, and they pull away.
In this situation the aggressor is doing the rejecting through self-sabotage. A deeper part of them knows you won’t accept them. So don’t feel bad when you reject them.
Desperation leads to rejection almost all the time. Be aware if you’re acting desperate. Most people aren’t aware that they are being desperate and subsequently blaming the other person for not accepting them, this is a sad situation.
There was a lot said here, and the rationality behind this article is for you to become aware of rejection in its true nature. I hope for you I have eased some of the pain caused by rejection. Remember, you are a wonderful person and someone will always accept you for who you are.
Someone will reject you, that is inevitable, however, rejection can be a good thing as you found out J Besides, you’ll be rejected less now that you know the truth about rejection.
Some of this may sound confusing especially with people that are studying personal development. They often think, why did I attract this person into my life that is a bad influence, or is abusive?
Why do I attract nice people and not so nice people into my life, opposed to attracting only nice people? They think maybe they’re doing something wrong because everything isn’t positive or perfect.
Well, the answer is rather simple, it’s true you attract or repel according to who or what kind of person you’ve become. However, the more you expose yourself to people, the more people will be exposed to you.
That means that people of all walks of life e.g. good, bad, indifferent, ugly, beautiful, happy, sad etc. will come into your life. Why? Because you have opened the door by exposing yourself to them, now they know where you are!
There are two ways to avoid unwanted people, being a hermit is one way to avoid them completely, or learn to filter out people that are not beneficial to your growth by weeding them out so to speak.
Filter them (not avoid because you can’t), meaning when you do come in contact with someone that is not conducive to your wellbeing you will feel it and not let them in.
It would be similar to being a guard to your house. When someone comes knocking at your door you have a choice to let them in or not.
Now here’s where the problem begins, your rational, logical, desperate mind will get involved and say “No, these feelings can’t be right, there’s got to be better way” That may be true if you’re inventing a new toaster. But that usually doesn’t work with people.
Learning to be a guard of your thoughts and listening to your feelings is going to take much practice. Practice makes improvement.
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