The D in BDSM stands for discipline or dominance. Both can be achieved by impact play, which includes spanking or the use of punishment toys, such as floggers, canes, or paddles.
Slapping, hitting, or tapping your partner’s skin with a certain amount of force can feel pleasurable, but also brings a certain risk. This beginners and intermediates guide will outline which body parts are “safe,” “take-extra-caution” and “no-go” zones.
How and Where to Spank Your Partner?
Consent and communication
Before we get to the juicy part, a word on consent. Always ask for consent before spanking or doing any kind of impact play. It is possible that your partner has had a traumatic experience in the past and has a negative association with a certain act.
Very often, the feedback you get is non-verbal, meaning you must read their body language. When playing with a new partner, ask them about their reactions. Some partners go quiet when they enjoy the scene and others go quiet when they reach their limits.
Impact play A great way for you to incorporate impact play is during punishment role plays. Check out this blog article on 100+ sexual role plays to get some inspiration.
Your partner might play a French maid, cleaning your apartment and washing up. Your character, the dominant house boss, is very unhappy with their sloppy work and sees the need to punish them.
In this case, great positions to punish your maid would be “over the knee” (OTK), “bend over a chair or table” and “lying flat on a bed.”
To punish them appropriately, I recommend spanking, caning, or flogging.
For many people, spanking might have been their introduction to BDSM. Although the practice seems easy, there are a couple of things to keep in mind.
First of all, every person has a different pain tolerance. What one person might categorize as “just right” might be “way too much” for another person.
To avoid this, I recommend warming up and starting slowly. Start by rubbing your partner’s butt before gently slapping it. Slowly increase the force while your partner is giving you feedback.
This will help your partner adjust to more powerful slaps. When gradually increasing the spanking, your partner will more likely perceive the slaps as pleasurable rather than painful.
Vary your slaps. Move an inch down or up and ask them for feedback. Where do they enjoy it the most?
This might sound crazy to some, but it’s possible to achieve an orgasm just through spanking. When you’ve found your partner’s sweet spot, establish a rhythm your partner enjoys and let every slap sink in.
Spanking is a great warm-up for caning and is highly recommended.
When transitioning to caning, start with very light taps and slowly, I said slowly!, increase the force. Canes can really hurt or sting due to their thin design. Trust me, especially if your partner is new to caning, increasing the force too fast might prematurely convince them they don’t like this practice.
Practice striking your mattress before your first play. It is important to hit accurately. When striking, the tip of the cane must hit the meaty part. It shouldn’t go any further. If it does, it might bend and hit the side. This can be very painful and far from pleasurable.
Floggers are probably my favorite impact toys. They allow you to tease your partner by brushing over their body parts while giving them a great mixture of pleasure and pain when used as an impact toy.
Again, Newbies should practice striking on a pillow before doing it on a person.
The Different Spank zones
To ensure safe impact play, you must know which body parts are “no-go” zones. The “take-extra-caution” zones are only suitable for intermediates and great caution is required.
While “safe” zones are great for rough impact play and beginners. Check out this visual guide indicating the different zones regarding spanking.
The calve area is great when roleplaying a punishment scene. Impact play in this area can really hurt and is hardly pleasurable. But stay away from the ankles and the back of the knee.
Butt and thigh
Punishing your partner’s butt and thigh can be very pleasurable to them, regardless of their gender. Apart from the pleasurable pain on the body part caused by your hand or punishment toy, the clit or prostate might get stimulated.
“Safe” zones are the meatier parts of the butt and thighs. But be aware that the inside of the thigh and the fold of the butt are more sensitive. Take it easy on these body parts.
Avoid the tailbone and areas above the ass crack. As mentioned, the thighs are “safe” zones but don’t go too low. The back and front knee are “no-go” zones.
Light slapping or flogging can be very pleasurable. Because this is a very sensitive area, start extra slowly and gradually increase the force. Caning this area is not recommended.
Joints, feet, and more “no-go” zones
A general rule is to avoid the joints of your partner’s body, especially their front, and back knees, wrists, ankles, and elbows. Also, keep away from their feet, armpits, and fresh tattoos. Impact play on fresh tattoos might cause an infection.
Many vital organs are located here, making this another “no-go” zone.
“Take-extra-caution” zones are the left and right upper back areas while avoiding the spine. The lower back is a “no-go” zone because of the kidneys.
You might have guessed it. The spine is a hard “no-go” zone. When punishing your partner’s upper back or butt, be extra aware of the spine.
Lightly slapping or flogging the chest is quite popular but stay below the collarbone.
The neck is a hard “no-go” zone. If you want to incorporate the neck into your sex scene, use a collar or do some light choking. Make sure the collar does not restrict the airflow.
Although choking has become very popular among BDSM Beginners, it can be quite dangerous and is not recommended for beginners. I urge you to inform yourself thoroughly before partaking in this practice.
Face and Ears
I only recommend face-slapping to more advanced kinksters, and extreme caution is necessary. It is vital to ask for consent every single time, no matter how long you know each other. Your partner might not feel ready to be slapped that day.
In case you have jaw issues, TMJ, or any other issues concerning your head, stay away from this practice. Start slowly and support your partner’s head with your other hand during the first couple of attempts. This will protect their neck from sudden movement.
Let’s get to the fun part. Keep your fingers together and position them on the meaty part of their cheek. Now move the hand back and slap them in slow motion. Why slow motion, you might ask?
Well, I’m glad you did. Your first few slaps should be slow so you won’t miss. Focus on NOT hitting their eyes, ears, jawbones, and cheekbones. These are “no-go” zones. Read the last two sentences again and memorize them.
Gradually increase the force of your slaps while asking your submissive for feedback. For many submissives, the psychological degradation is the enjoyable part, not necessarily the physical slap.
Therefore, and because of the obvious possibility of injuries, I recommend sticking to light slapping. Don’t use toys to slap your partner’s face, stick to your hands.
I recommend beginners stick to the butt and thighs, while intermediates might try lightly slapping their partner’s chest or calves. Keep in mind, punishment in BDSM is always more enjoyable when it’s done for a reason. Incorporate it into a role play and tell your partner exactly why their booty deserves a punishment.
- Engaging in impact play is entirely at your own risk.
- The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge (Book)
Check out: What is a Fetish